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Is This Petty? I Refuse To Wear The Fake Designer Bag He Bought Me

March 24, 2017, 9:49 am
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As the saying goes, it’s the thought that counts.

We bring up this phrase when we’re trying to state that one’s focus should be on the intentions the gift-giver had when they gave their present, no matter how good or bad that gift is. But some presents, if we’re being honest, are just a terrible idea. Case in point: anything that’s fake.

fake designer bag

After speaking with a friend about the time her mom knowingly bought her a fake Coach wallet that she proceeded to never use, I wondered how often fake bags and wallets are given as gifts. I did a quick search on Google, and lo and behold, issue after issue posted of women seeking advice because they didn’t know what to do about the fake bags they were given by their boyfriends. On top of that issue, they were also trying to figure out if the men in their life knowingly gave them fake designer bags or if they had been swindled. The common concern was for their boyfriend’s ego. And while they didn’t want to carry around the gifts, they’d been asked by the gift-givers why they hadn’t been using them.

Awkward.

Hell, even Drake admitted on his new album, or “playlist,” More Life that he’s been guilty of gifting a woman a fake designer wallet. As he put it in the song, “Do Not Disturb, “Remember when I bought Sealey the fake Chanel wallet/She knew that sh-t was a fraud but never told me about it/Nowadays when we catchin’ up we just laugh about it/Can’t describe what my life is like when she asks about it.”

My, have his circumstances changed.

As for everyday people, this user who shared her story on Yahoo! was pissed with her boyfriend over her fake bag — maybe a little too pissed:

I can’t believe he gave me a FAKE bag!
He makes good money and is very fashion conscious himself.
He was in NYC last month on a business trip, I assume he must have gotten it there. A–HOLE!!
Did he really think I wouldn’t be able to tell it’s a fake???
The best part of this is that he gave it to me in a COACH store shopping bag to make it look like it was real!!!!

Another, reportedly deemed ungrateful by people on social media, said her boyfriend bought her four Chanel bags and three pairs of Christian Louboutins, all fake. Still, he swears they’re real and is bothered that she won’t wear them.

I love him a lot but he should stop trying it. I will wear aldo n zara and still love him. He always wants me to wear these things out on the red carpet or weddings. I refuse most times and he gets so upset. He says things like do you know how much these things cost. I ordered them from NY blah blah. I know he’s lying but I don’t want to hurt him.

And one other young woman was more sad than mad about her fake Louis Vuitton bag. Her main concern was that her boyfriend had been hoodwinked by a relative because she really didn’t want to believe that he would knowingly buy her a fake bag.

Last night, my boyfriend and I exchanged Christmas presents. He gave me a Louis Vuitton handbag and told me it was authentic. The more I look at the bag (and research them online), the more I’m convinced it’s a fake. I’m no expert, but…
Anyhow, I feel awful. He may not know that it’s fake. He told me a couple of months ago that his Uncle was managing a Louis Vuitton store and could get bags for a small discount. I hope his Uncle wouldn’t try and cheat him but you never know. My gut feeling is that if this bag is a fake, my boyfriend does know about it.

My question is…. should I tell him what I suspect? I put a lot of thought into his present and spent a lot of money on it. And although it IS the thought that counts, trying to pass off fake stuff is just tacky.

After reading about these and other similar scenarios, I noticed the consensus opinion was that the women should be thankful for the gift, but instead, they were being unappreciative. Remember, it’s the thought that counts, right? That’s usually what women are told when it comes to men dish out to us that we end up being uncomfortable with: “Someone else would appreciate it.”

But who are these people kidding? If you bought your boyfriend a fake pair of Jordans, do you think he would actually wear them in public? What about a fake gold chain? A fake Playstation (they’re out there)? He would want no parts, sis, and rightfully so.

So why should someone just smile and begrudgingly wear a fake designer bag? I don’t need Chanel, but I’ll for damn sure pass on Channel. And while I probably wouldn’t expose the bag’s fake status, if consistently pressed about why I don’t use it while sitting on proof that my gift is counterfeit, I might have to let the cat out of the bag. Trust me when I say that nobody wants that.

My stance on situations like this is that when all else fails, you can’t go wrong with a normal, thoughtful gift. Can’t get the designer bag? Just get your partner a regular, nice bag instead. Can’t afford the Chanel? Give her a few dollars to help her save to buy it on her own. But under no circumstances should someone knowingly try and gift their partner anything fake if that’s not what they asked for. If it’s the thought that counts, I’m sorry, but that’s not a good thought…

But as always, that’s just my opinion. What say you? Is it petty to not want to rock the fake designer bag your boyfriend gave you? Would you tell him it’s fake? 

 

Image via Bigstock 

The post Is This Petty? I Refuse To Wear The Fake Designer Bag He Bought Me appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Man Who Broke Up Fight In Viral Video Breaks Down Thanking His Mother As He’s Honored

March 24, 2017, 10:46 am
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By now, you might have seen the video gone viral of the man stepping in between two squabbling teenagers in the middle of a residential street in Atlantic City, New Jersey. If you haven’t, check it out in the video below.

Honestly, there’s something beautiful about this moment because this whole interaction could have gone wrong. But instead, the boys ended the altercation by shaking hands. One of the surrounding teenagers who had gathered to watch the fight even shook the man’s hand. And the errand Ibn Ali Miller was running for his mother, resulted in the video being shared by the likes of LeBron James and Snoop Dogg.

Today, the man who stepped in is being honored for his good deed. 26-year-old Ibn Ali Miller, from Atlantic City, was honored by the city council and Mayor Don Guardian, who said:

“A dozen positive lessons could be taught from that four-minute video alone,” Atlantic City Mayor Don Guardian said in a statement. “He fearlessly spoke so much truth to those young kids. We need more adults in the world that are willing to step in to help pull back our youth from the edge.”

Miller, a married father of six, spoke about the incident but spent a significant amount of time thanking his mother Sabrina Winters for her influence and guidance in his life.

“I want to first and foremost, give God all of the praise and all of the recognition as none of us are in control of anything, not even of ourselves. He is the one who holds everything. After that, I would like to thank my mom…yeah…When I was young, we grew up in the projects…when I would get on punishment she would have to make me read books and I had to either write a short story or a poem…She’d make me read…I’m crying because this whole situation, it deeply saddens me. It deeply saddens me. And the fact that it’s unbelievable…this should be very believable. This should be the norm and it should be regular. But I don’t want to take the attention because these young men, they were going to fight. And they decided not to. Not only did they decide not to fight, they decided to shake hands and display unity. These are teenagers. The adults in our community have a problem with this issue. And they displayed it very well. So not only do I want to thank my mom, I want to thank the people who raised these young men as well. Because they raised them to be young men of reason. Which seems to be a rare trait in our community. The person I want to give the most praise is my mother. Because she taught me about God and she raised me to be who I am. She supports me and aides me, she encourages me. And when we were young, she put pretzel sticks across the kitchen table. She said, ‘Those pretzel sticks are the right path. The rest of the table is the wrong path. It’s very, very difficult to stay on the right path, as we would find that out through the years. Even through trials and tribulations, my mother stuck by me. I had children very young, my mother aided me and supported me. I don’t know, people get fifteen minutes of fame a lot and I would like to use second of the fifteen minutes to send gratitude to my mother. Please give her a round of applause.”

You can watch Miller’s speech in the video below.

 

The post Man Who Broke Up Fight In Viral Video Breaks Down Thanking His Mother As He’s Honored appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Everyday Women Who Flawlessly Rock A Full Face Of Makeup With Glasses

March 24, 2017, 11:48 am
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If you wear glasses but you also love to wear makeup, how often do you wear a full face of it with your frames on? makeup with glasses As someone who wears glasses more than 95 percent of the time but also has a new affinity for painting my face every now and then, it's not very often that I wear them together. I'll often pop in my contacts when I want to beat my face for a wedding, have date night with my husband or when I'm getting ready for church. I've often felt as though a full face of makeup goes to waste if it's hiding behind a large pair of eyeglasses. "Can they see the eyeshadow trio I worked on for 15 minutes?" "You can barely see my cat eye!" "Is my mascara rubbing onto my lenses again?!" These are all thoughts I have when I try to do my makeup but need to keep my glasses on. However, plenty of women rock flawless faces while still wearing their frames, and they have given me the encouragement to try it more often. Check out women of color who look amazing when wearing a full face of makeup with glasses. https://www.instagram.com/p/BP_E_tehKqt/?taken-by=coreidenai https://www.instagram.com/p/BRBRTrggc41/?tagged=makeupwithglasses https://www.instagram.com/p/BNDNEMuhO-P/?taken-by=truhoney https://www.instagram.com/p/BQt_LFADXA-/?taken-by=aprilmichellemua https://www.instagram.com/p/BQeafsGjHEV/?taken-by=be_vic https://www.instagram.com/p/BPWFnPnBjNc/?tagged=makeupwithglasses https://www.instagram.com/p/BR37kbUB4nu/?taken-by=msfancyeyez https://www.instagram.com/p/BPGwrNWAP2Z/?tagged=makeupwithglasses https://www.instagram.com/p/BRrYv1Mh_WL/?taken-by=pais_beauty https://www.instagram.com/p/BMaKOo4DCKX/?tagged=makeupwithglasses https://www.instagram.com/p/BBQZyO4SJJ4/?tagged=makeupwithglasses https://www.instagram.com/p/BRMhZ-pjYcz/?taken-by=the.pretty.nicki   Images via Bigstock and Instagram 

The post Everyday Women Who Flawlessly Rock A Full Face Of Makeup With Glasses appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Every Gif You Need To Express What 5 PM On A Friday Feels Like

March 24, 2017, 12:03 pm
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via GIPHY A lot of people use the expression TGIF to relay their excitement over the work week coming to an end, but, truthfully, there are no words and no acronym that can fully express what it feels like when that last hour of work comes to an end Friday evening. It's like you want to run and skip and jump all through the streets but you're also so exhausted from five days of hell/work stress/late nights and early mornings that you kinda just wanna crash -- maybe after a cocktail or two once you swing by the store on your Johnny Kemp "Just Got Paid" steeze. But in lieu of words to explain that concoction of emotions, there is the beautiful Internet invention known as Gifs and we just found 10 of them that perfectly sum up what 5 pm on a Friday feels like. via GIPHY via GIPHY via GIPHY via GIPHY via GIPHY via GIPHY via GIPHY via GIPHY via GIPHY via GIPHY via GIPHY  

The post Every Gif You Need To Express What 5 PM On A Friday Feels Like appeared first on MadameNoire.

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WWYD? You’re In An Elevator Listening To Music And A Woman Looks At You And Says “You’re Noisy”

March 24, 2017, 1:23 pm
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As soon as I got into the office Tuesday morning my coworker hit me with a what would you do scenario regarding an incident she had coming up to our floor that day.

I’m in the elevator listening to Future in my headphones and two white ladies follow me inside the elevator, she tells me. I’m standing there minding my business when I see the older white woman turn to me and mouth something. I take one earbud out of my ear and ask her what she said, and she looks at me with a straight face and says “You’re noisy!” I shrugged my shoulders, put my headphones back in and went back to minding my business. But a second later I saw the woman turn to the younger white woman in the elevator, explaining something to the effect of “sometimes people don’t realize how loud their music is. They think they’re the only ones listening to it, but it’s everyone. Everyone can hear it.”

Apparently the younger woman never turned to the older one to acknowledge what she was saying and the women got off the elevator before my coworker reached our floor, still replaying what had just happened and analyzing her response in her head. Not one who’s known for clapbacks, my coworker kept saying “I should’ve said something back to her,” though I assured her sometimes silence and a refusal to engage with someone attempting to police you is the best mode of action. Reminding her of the likelihood the other woman would’ve quickly turned into the victim and her the “aggressor” had she said anything outside of “OK,” I told her she did the right thing.

Another coworker suggested when the woman told her she was noisy, she should’ve retorted with “And you’re bold.” I liked that approach, suggesting she could’ve also used the world– “entitled” — given the details provided. Still, I feel she handled the situation in the best way possible, even though she’s still mulling over the fact that she didn’t say anything back to the woman three days later. So I told her I’d reach out to the masses and see if they agree with her response or would’ve done anything different.

So what would you have done in this scenario? Would you have checked the lady or gone on about your business?

The post WWYD? You’re In An Elevator Listening To Music And A Woman Looks At You And Says “You’re Noisy” appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Black Dancers Are Mixing Ballet With Hip-Hop To Create “Hiplet,” And It’s A Sight To See

March 24, 2017, 2:04 pm
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If all of Misty Copeland’s landmark success tells us anything, it’s that strides are being made and doors are being opened to see more women of color represented in ballet. But a new form of dance, Hiplet, is ensuring that classically trained Black ballet dancers get the chance to shine front and center while also getting the chance to dance hip-hop. You’ve likely seen videos of young women strutting their stuff on their tippy toes on social media. That’s Hiplet.

Instagram Photo

It was created by Homer Hans Bryant, the founder of the Chicago Multi-Cultural Dance Center, which has been around for more than 20 years. For those who have tried to say that Hiplet is a “disgrace” to ballet, Bryant cares not, because it’s been a refuge for quite a few students.

“Well no, it’s not ballet. It’s Hiplet,” he said in an interview with CNN’s Great Big Story. “It’s how we empower our kids. It’s how we empower the world. Hiplet is so freeing and so open. So, it’s a different culture here.”

Someone who agrees with that is dancer Zipporah Wilson, who said that at her former studio, being one of the few dancers of color, she often felt overlooked. Learning Hiplet and dancing it at the CMDC has given her, and all of the other dancers, the chance to stand out. It’s given them a whole new sense of confidence. She agrees with Bryant in saying that Hiplet is much different from ballet, from the posture to the solemn and refined state you’re expected to appear in at all times.

“In Hiplet, you can break that,” Wilson said. “You can just really move your torso more. You can bounce with it, you know. You can have fun with it!”

Moves include the “twist in and out,” the Michael Jackson-inspired “moonwalk,” the Hiplet strut, the zippy, and the Vivian, which is an acknowledgment of the moves of your favorite Aunt Viv from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The aforementioned moves are honestly unlike anything you’ve likely seen before when it comes to formal dance. It may not be what people are used to, but it’s definitely entertaining. It’s also extremely liberating for participants.

“I’m grateful to Mr. Homer because he showed me that I can do anything,” Wilson said. “I love dancing Hiplet. It just gives you a sort of confidence and just a freedom to be yourself. This is the dance genre that does not discriminate.”

Check out the moves for yourself below and let us know what you think of “Hiplet.”

The post Black Dancers Are Mixing Ballet With Hip-Hop To Create “Hiplet,” And It’s A Sight To See appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Find Our Girls: Things You Need To Know About The Missing DC Girls

March 24, 2017, 2:25 pm
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In the first three months of this year, the District of Columbia logged 501 cases of missing juveniles, many of them were Black or Latino. As of March 22, twenty-two of these cases are still unsolved. Many are wondering why these cases haven't received the news attention that could likely help in the safe locating or return of these children, many of them young girls. Then, last night 14 girls were reported missing within a 24 hour period.

Social media.

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The Petition

Black members of Congress are calling for the Justice Department, led by our newly appointed Attorney General Jeff Sessions and FBI Director James Comey to “devote the resources necessary to determine whether these developments are an anomaly or whether they are indicative of an underlying trend that must be addressed.” [caption id="attachment_703519" align="aligncenter" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

There's Nothing Unusual About These Numbers

While over 500 missing children seems like some type of horror, officials say that these numbers are not unusual. According to police data, the number of missing child cases actually dropped in the area from 2,433 in 2015 to 2,242 in 2016. The difference is law enforcement has been posting on social media more often so the public are more aware about the number of children who go missing every year. [caption id="attachment_820947" align="aligncenter" width="1068"] Social issues abuse and violence on women. Depressed girl sad african american young woman crying at home. Abused and scared wife[/caption]

Can't focus on the numbers.

Derrica Wilson, the co-founder of Black and Missing says that the fact that the numbers are holding steady is not a reason for us to relax or return to business as usual. She told the International Business Times, “We can’t focus on the numbers. If we have one missing child, that’s too many.”

The Map

NBC has released an interactive map, listing the last known locations of the missing girls. You can view the map and the information within it, here.

Runaway vs. Missing.

A lot of people seem to believe too many authorities are regarding these cases as runaways and aren't taking them seriously.  

14 Girls in One Night?

There is a bit of misinformation being spread around the internet, according to NBC News. The news outlet reports that at no point in recent weeks have 14 girls gone missing in a single night in recent weeks.

The Missing

The post Find Our Girls: Things You Need To Know About The Missing DC Girls appeared first on MadameNoire.

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MadameNoire’s Weekly Talk Show, “Did Y’all See?” Is Back And Better!

March 24, 2017, 7:54 pm
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“Did Y’all See?” is back! We know we’ve kept y’all waiting but for the right reasons. We’ve revamped the show with new segments, new topics, and new co-hosts. Brande, Veronica, and Victoria have officially passed the co-hosting duties to three fab, talented and opinionated ladies. Tune in now to meet, Avielle, Raevan, and Jamila as they break down this week’s hot topics on MadameNoire’s “Did Y’all See?”.

The post MadameNoire’s Weekly Talk Show, “Did Y’all See?” Is Back And Better! appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Are Sleepovers Allowed For Your Children? Why One Mom is Passing on Pajama Parties

March 25, 2017, 7:20 am
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no sleepovers allowed

I can count on one hand the times during my childhood that my mother allowed me to sleep over someone else’s house as well as the times she allowed childhood friends to stay for the night at our house. With the exception of a few close cousins, my mom was never about that “spending the night” life. Whether we were at the annual family cookout or an auntie’s birthday party, once the night started winding down and the kids started trying to be slick by falling asleep on the couch or getting in one another’s  pajamas, my mom would promptly shut ish down and say:

“Get your clothes on. We’re going home. Maybe next time.”

It didn’t occur to me how rare sleepovers occurred in my childhood, until I got a little older. I remember asking my mom why she was so anti-pajama party. At the time her reply made a whole lot of sense:

“When I was younger my parents would party all night and I NEVER had my bed to myself. There were always 3 kids to a twin size bed and a bunch of cousins sprawled out on the floor. So now that I’m an adult, I appreciate having my house to myself as much as possible.”

Friends had always commented on how “quiet” my childhood home was. With my mom’s upbringing looking like a scene from Menace to Society every other night, I could understand how having a little peace and quiet with no chaos in sight could be the goal as an adult. Like seriously, who really wants to have a bunch of drunk, loud and rambunctious people chilling in your living room every night, let alone around your children.

Now that I’m a mother myself, the idea of my daughter staying over a friend’s house terrifies me. And after reading a post featured on ScaryMommy.com titled, “Why My Family Doesn’t Allow Sleepovers” I am literally considering physically attaching my daughter to my hip so she never has to leave my side. In the piece, writer Elizabeth Broadbent describes experiences where she was allowed to sleepover a friend’s house only to experience sexual abuse at the hands of another child.

“My parents never even knew. It happened the first time at her house. I was 7 years old, the same age that my oldest son is now. She told me her cousin taught her how to do something that made you feel good. Then she proceeded to molest me.”

Broadbent goes on to describe that the incidents began with one sleepover and continued during future sleepovers and even playdates. She talks about the conflicting feelings of pleasure and shame she experienced as child, even praying and worrying that she would get pregnant. Her trauma ended when she eventually ended up “ghosting” the girl after their mothers stopped leading the same Girls Scout troop. Broadbent never told anyone about the incidents until college.

Before I go into the dangers of good touch, bad touch, I feel like it’s my duty as a sex educator to inform parents of the inevitable: Your kids will explore and experiment. They will touch themselves and hump stuffed animals because it feels good physically and they may not always associate those behaviors with “sex” as we know it as adults. You are allowed to conduct your household with your own rules and values when it comes to sex, relationships, and respect but please be aware that all sexual curiosity and behavior do not equal sexual abuse and trauma and in certain circumstances are a normal part of child development.

Actress Lena Dunham caught a windfall of criticism a few years ago after revealing details of sexual experimentation with her siblings during childhood in her book Not That Kind of a Girl, A Young Woman Tells You What She Learned. The controversy left many people questioning: Where does the line get drawn between curiosity and molestation? In the YourTango article, “Drawing the Line Between Curiosity, Abuse and Siblings”. Psychologist Stephanie Buehler says psychologists agree the distinction between the two is determined by one simple thing: Age. According to the Ages and Stages guidelines at HealthyChildren.org which is overseen by The American Academy of Pediatrics, at ages 4 to 5 years of age a child might show an interest in touching “her own genitals and may even show an interest in the genitals of other children.” Sexual abuse or exploitation may become an issue if one of those children is significantly older and coerces a child or has an imbalance of power over the other that put that child at an advantage (I.e. having more experience or knowledge about sexuality).

In other words if your five-year-old is best friends with a six-year-old and ends up engaging in an instance of “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” that may just be a part of normal sexual development and curiosity. However if your five-year-old’s thirteen-year-old babysitter tries to pull the same stunt, then it’s probably time to find a new babysitter (if you don’t beat them to death first). Still, Debby Hebernick, associate professor in Indiana University’s School of Public Health and author of Sex Made Easy, says just because a behavior is common doesn’t mean it’s acceptable:

“It’s common for young children to explore their own bodies and even those of friends or siblings in this way. That doesn’t mean it’s OK. And it’s just as common for parents, teachers and caregivers to set boundaries and to teach children what’s OK and what’s not OK.”

A very optimistic version of myself wants to believe that all children innocently explore and all have parents of that have common sense and operate their households on the same lines of respect and boundaries that I do. I also was born in the 90’s before parents were so insistent on parental blocks and before free pornography was just a few clicks away. I can vividly recall my friends and I watching “Skinemax” on Friday night to watch crime solving aliens with big breasts and horrible acting skills wondering why adults were so fascinated with this stuff and further more why did it make us feel kind of “funny”. We also tried to make out what exactly was happening in between those fuzzy lines for the first five seconds we would turn to the Spice Channel. Apart of me has made my peace with the fact that my daughter will have questions and she’ll be curious and although I’ll be falling apart on the inside I hope I can best prepare her to be clear about “good touch, bad touch”, consent and boundaries. Lastly I want to do my best to protect her from those who might do her harm as well as well children raised in households where they are unfortunately last in line of a cycle of abuse and exploitation.

So what does that mean for my household’s policy on sleepovers? I’m not sure. The truth is while I want my child to have a healthy social life and feel like her home is a safe space, I’m also aware of the fact that just like I don’t know what happens in other folks’ homes, the same thing applies to me. The fact is I have an adult male (my husband) in the home and that can make some parents feel uncomfortable even if I know my husband damn near should be “Father of the Year”.  And even if my child is staying with a friend whose parents’ I know and trust, I may not know what siblings, aunts or uncles are going to present and what ideas they may have about sexuality. I can’t lock my child up in a closet for the rest of her life, but I can anticipate situations that make me uneasy and therefore err on the side of caution.

So what can you do as a parent so that you can keep your child safe without feeling your stifling your child’s social life? I think it always helps to make an effort to get to know your child’s friends and families. Be transparent about your feelings about sleepovers and supervision, so parents know it’s nothing personal when you decline that sleepover invitation. Most importantly I think the best thing you can do for any child is prepare them to protect themselves. Unfortunately, sexual abuse and exploitation can occur overnight or in broad daylight, so it’s important to have honest but age-appropriate conversations with your kids about “good touch, bad touch”, stranger danger and what they should do in situations that make them uneasy. Because as liberal and sex positive as I may be, when it comes to protecting my child and keeping her safe, I’m actually quite old-fashioned.

Are sleepovers banned in your household? Why or why not?

Images via Bigstock

Toya Sharee is a Health Resource Specialist who has a  passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

 

 

The post Are Sleepovers Allowed For Your Children? Why One Mom is Passing on Pajama Parties appeared first on MadameNoire.

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The “Carrie White” Condition: Study Shows We Aren’t Properly Preparing Our Girls for Menstruation

March 25, 2017, 8:20 am
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girls less prepared for puberty

Carrie, the Stephen King movie that managed to aptly cover the trauma of being a teenage girl and slightly make us terrified of telepathy, has been a punchline for teenage angst in popular culture since its release in 1976. If for whatever reason you are some actual freak of nature who hasn’t seen the original or one of its many remakes allow me to slightly spoil it for you. Carrie features a scene in which the main character Carrie White completely spazzes when she unfortunately has her first period in a high school locker room and has no idea what’s happening. Her mother has completely avoided the “becoming a woman” talk with her. Instead of being met  with sympathy and support her “mean girl” classmates throw tampons at her in the shower as they get their one good laugh in of the day at her expense.

Unfortunately a recent Salon.com article is highlighting a study that reveals when it comes to young women who are considered low-income, we are raising some Carrie’s of our own. No matter how much sexuality they might witness in the media, apparently we’re missing the mark when it comes to the messages we’re sending about reproduction and puberty.

The piece highlights a study done by Marni Sommer, an assistant professor at Columbia University who specializes in gender and sexual health and adolescent transitions into adulthood and her colleague, Ann Herbert. Sommer and Herbert along with students of the university’s Mailman School of Public Health reviewed research to learn more about if young girls in the U.S. felt prepared for puberty. What they discovered was alarming:

“What we learned was eye-opening. Across the research we reviewed, many girls reported negative experiences of and lack of preparation for puberty, and of menstruation in particular.”

Through qualitative research (research designed to explore a population’s experiences, behaviors and perspectives), the group learned more about pubertal experiences of low-income girls growing up in the U.S. from 2000 through 2014:

“Many girls reported feeling scared, traumatized and embarrassed at the arrival of their first period, along with feeling dirty and “gross.””

“In general, the more negative descriptions were associated with girls feeling underprepared, not knowing what would happen with their first menstruation, or feeling they did not know enough about how to practically manage the blood flow and related discomfort that can arise with menstruation. There were also some neutral or ambivalent responses, although this included one girl suggesting she felt “scared and relieved.”

Although many of the girls experienced menstruation that fell within the normal guidelines as far as age and other changes that come with puberty, their feelings weren’t much different than girls the group had worked with in foreign, less-developed countries.

Many of the girls expressed that what they were told about menstruation from family or parental figures was “too little, too late” or left them feeling unsupported with very little knowledge of what was happening to their bodies. The one positive message all the women seemed to have in common was that menstruation made them feel like, “they were growing up”.

Even in classes I taught in inner-city Philadelphia teen girls to young adult women held many myths about menstruation and reproductive health including beliefs like, “All girls bleed the first time they have sex.” In my own experiences as a sex educator it seems like many women are avoiding explaining the dirty details of menstruation to their daughters because they want to avoid having awkward discussions about sex and reproduction altogether. Either that or in some circumstances they just didn’t have the correct info to give and instead turned to old wives tales and myths that were handed down through generations of women no matter how faulty they may be.

I’ve spoken in other posts about how my mom limited the sex talk to, “Don’t have it in my house. Don’t get pregnant.” Fortunately, the “that time of the month” talk was a little more detailed. When you grow up in a house with an older sister and a mother it’s inevitable that someone will forget to flush and if they do, it doesn’t go all the way down. When I was about 7 or 8 this was the case and I broke into tears fleeing from the second floor of my house to find my mother whom at the time I was sure was at the bottom of the stairs hemorrhaging to death. She wasn’t exactly about to meet her maker but she was taking out a load of whites from the dryer as she casually explained to me (who was having a mini-breakdown) that no one was dying. She simply forgot to flush and was on her period. From what I can remember this period business happened once a month, was something I could look forward to and she would fill me in on the colorful details at a later time.

That time came when I was 13. I was on the phone with my best friend and went to pee when I noticed a fair amount of brown discharge that would be all too familiar in months to come. I called my mom who told me there were pads under the sink. My dad got home first and she had already filled him in. He was surprisingly calm and supportive and asked me if I needed anything before dropping the go to line, “Congratulations. You’re a woman now.” From then on I was literally Kanye West: You couldn’t tell me nothing. I walked into 9th grade a little more confident and most definitely feeling myself. I could have babies now, although I still wasn’t too clear on how cramps and Kotex were connected to motherhood.

What does this all mean? It means that although we are finally starting to get into the nitty, gritty details of sex education and preparing our young women to consent to sex and to protect themselves, we’re skipping the basics. Before we get into discussions of sexuality involving another person, we need to teach our young women to get to know their bodies and what they are capable of and why. We need to abandon the Disney version of the “birds and bees” talk (when it’s appropriate) and be honest about what happens within our bodies even when it isn’t the most “pleasant” thing in the world.

It’s great that our young women associate menstruation with becoming a woman, but we also need to provide the real deal on menstruation and motherhood so that when they are walking around with their newfound sense of “grown woman”, they are also informed on hygiene and being sexual responsible. Because we shouldn’t be waiting to talk about how periods work only when we’re worried our daughters have missed one. One of the reasons our girls are so confused is because we’re making “the period” the end of the conversation when it in fact should be the very beginning.

Images via Bigstock

Toya Sharee is a Health Resource Specialist who has a  passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

 

The post The “Carrie White” Condition: Study Shows We Aren’t Properly Preparing Our Girls for Menstruation appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Obamacare Isn’t Going Anywhere Just Yet

March 25, 2017, 8:47 am
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So, if you haven’t already heard the news: Donald Trump and House Republicans failed to create a substantial form of healthcare for the nation.

On Friday (March ), Republicans pulled the bill that was intended to replace the Affordable Care Act, aka Obamacare, just 24 hours after Trump made clear to lawmakers that the bill needed to be brung up for a vote or he would move on to other issues.

The bill, known as the American Health Care Act, or AHCA, didn’t have enough support to pass. House Speaker Paul Ryan revealed he called Trump, who agreed to pulling the vote once he made it clear the legislation lacked the votes to pass with no votes at all from several members of the House.

“We came really close today, but we came up short,” Ryan said at a press conference. “This is a disappointing day for us.”

This outcome is a win for many, as the AHCA brought many side eyes for the simple fact that many critics believed some 20 million would lose their insurance under it. Hillary Clinton even took to Twitter to declare that “today was a victory for all Americans.”

“We’re going to be living with Obamacare for the foreseeable future,” also Ryan admitted Friday.

 

The post Obamacare Isn’t Going Anywhere Just Yet appeared first on MadameNoire.

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As Expected, We’re Obsessed With Pat McGrath Labs New Smokey Eye Kits

March 25, 2017, 8:47 am
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Leave it the world’s most celebrated editorial and runway makeup artist, Pat McGrath, to always come through with some of the most innovative and beautiful makeup products we could ever imagine. Well, if you were wondering if she one-up herself after releasing the likes of Metalmorphosis 005 and Skin Fetish 003: she did.

Earlier this week, McGrath took to Instagram to reveal Dark Star 006, a collection of three out-of-this-world eye kits that she claims will “ascend you to the astral plane as you create depth and dimension for smoldering seduction.” Basically, it’s the sexiest smokey eye you’ll ever experience.

 

The Dark Matter Kit, which is the base of all the kits, includes three “velvet-meets-velour” pigments (Dark Matter, Astral White and Mercury), a holographic Cyber Clear eye gloss, a super deep Black Smudge Liner eye kohl and a blender brush.

The other two kits include one extra pigment each. ‘UltraSuede Brown’ is velvety brown hue with a diamond-like shimmer, which seems like the most versatile shade. “It’s the ultimate brown with a slight amount of gold in it, a slight amount of silver in it, so just the perfect balance that works on every skin tone,” said McGrath in a recent interview.

Then there’s ‘UltraViolet Blue’, which is certainly the boldest pigments of the kit, featuring an intensely pigmented fusion of violet and cobalt. Honestly, the color speaks for itself. “It’s very special in terms of the vibrancy and the velvety finish,” she continued. “It’s all about the smoothness and luxuriousness. Usually a shadow like this only comes in softer colors, so it’s quite rare.”

The Dark Star 006 kits are set to launch online, April 11 at 12pm EST. While Dark Matter will retail for $95, UltraViolet Blue and UltraSuede Brown will cost you $130 each.

 

The post As Expected, We’re Obsessed With Pat McGrath Labs New Smokey Eye Kits appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Watch Yvonne Orji’s Karaoke Performance Of Erykah Badu’s “Tyrone”

March 25, 2017, 8:47 am
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This week, the likes of BET’s Yvonne Orji, Erykah Badu, and Cynthia Erivo made their way to Miami for BET’s Leading Women Defined, a conference centered around women empowerment with a series of business sessions, networking, and community service.

While the event is certainly of learning, the ladies also got the chance to let loose and have fun. Namely, Insecure actress Orji brought the turn up vibes with a karaoke performance of Badu’s “Tyrone.” While she lip synced, Tony Award-winner Cynthia Erivo sang the song by her side

And if you look close enough, you’ll see Badu cheering the ladies on stage on and jamming to her tune equally legendary and soulful tune.

So epic, right?!

 

The post Watch Yvonne Orji’s Karaoke Performance Of Erykah Badu’s “Tyrone” appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Justine Skye Is The Face Of Forever 21’s New Festival Season Collection

March 25, 2017, 9:12 am
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While we patiently wait for new music from Rising R&B darling Justine Skye, the 21-year-old self-proclaimed Purple Unicorn has been sure to consistently slay both the fashion and beauty worlds.

After partnering with the likes of MAC Cosmetics and Dark & Lovely, Skye has scored a new gig that’s pretty sweet: the face of Forever 21’s festival season collection.

Unlike your average bohemian chic vibes that come to mind immediately when one thinks of music festivals, the line is super edgy and lean more towards streetwear-driven pieces that we’re sure Skye would rock on her on. There’s everything from mesh dresses to bodysuits, metallic bombers, chainmail bra tops and ’90s-inspired accessories.

“Festivals allow everyone to feel like an artist,” Justine said. Not to mention, with the collection’s reasonable price point ($6 to $138) everyone will be able to find something that fits not only their personal style but budget.

While the full line doesn’t launch until March 24, you can preview a few pieces of the collection online now at forever21.com.

The post Justine Skye Is The Face Of Forever 21’s New Festival Season Collection appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Target’s New Assortment Of Nude Intimates and Hosiery Caters To Every Shade

March 25, 2017, 9:37 am
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The mission of inclusiveness when it comes to race, age and shape in the fashion world continues push forward. Most recently, Target, our one-stop shop for all things from groceries to home and beauty products to clothing and accessories has got in on the worldwide campaign.

On Wednesday (March 23), the mass retailer expanded its intimate and hosiery assortment with new shades, including cocoa, caramel, honey beige and mochaccino, to reflect the wide range of skin tones of their diverse range of customers.

“At Target, we know that women come in all shapes, sizes and ethnicities and our assortment needs to reflect their outfitting needs,” said Michelle Wlazlo, senior vice president of apparel and accessories at Target. “As part of our continued commitment to inclusivity, our team did extensive research to expand our intimate offerings so guests can find the perfect shade of nude to match their skin tone.”

This exciting announcement of ‘The New Nudes’ ironically follows Target’s latest swimwear campaign, which features photoshop-free images of women flaunting their stretch marks with no shame.

Click here to check out their new offerings in your shade, ladies.

 

 

The post Target’s New Assortment Of Nude Intimates and Hosiery Caters To Every Shade appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Control Issues: If You’re Telling A Toddler to Calm Down, YOU’RE the One With The Problem

March 26, 2017, 8:23 am
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Although it’s been occurring daily for at least the past two months, I am still not adjusted to the meltdowns my toddler has each day. In fact just last night, as we returned home from a late dinner with family, my husband carried a kicking and screaming toddler from the truck to our front door at 12:30 in the morning. In defeat, I told him, “We can’t be the ONLY people in this neighborhood with a two-year-old. How come we never hear anyone else’s kid raising hell?” My daughter went to sleep wearing her winter coat last night. After a thirty-two minute tantrum we discovered all the fuss was because she just didn’t want to take off her coat.

No matter how many “Ages and Stages” updates Pampers.com sends me on a bi-monthly basis, I sometimes still feel like I don’t know what the hell I am doing when it comes to managing my daughter’s temper tantrums. I know what it feels like to time runs to the store for toilet paper in between meticulously scheduled nap and mealtimes because you don’t want to be embarrassed in the middle of Target. I understand what it feels like to avoid the toy aisle or the candy in the check-out line because you know you’re not buying those things for your kid today and once they figure out the Skittles are not coming home they are going to lose their ish. So whenever I see a mother trying to peel a frantic toddler from the big red Target balls in front of the store, my instinct is to give her an encouraging smile or a nod of support, not roll my eyes and whisper to my husband about how someone needs to control their kid.

So it always amazes me when folks who are childfree or haven’t parented a toddler since Paula Abdul was doing choreography with a cartoon cat think it’s cool to tell my toddler to, “Shhh!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the mom who’s going to let my child act a fool and ruin some stranger’s Sunday morning when they only wanted to grab some shaving cream and throw pillows on clearance. If my kid is being a jerk and slightly annoying you, imagine how it must feel for the person who has to abandon their cart and drive their erratic behind home. But whenever I find myself about to lose my mind, I remind myself: My toddler isn’t doing anything she isn’t supposed to. It’s my job to teach her how to handle her emotions, support her growing ability to problem solve and assure her that I’m going to be there for her, runny nose, tear-streamed cheeks, strangers’ irrational judgment and all.

The child resource group Zero to Three confirmed in a survey last year that if you’re expecting toddlers to play quietly and not make a scene, then you’re the one with the problem. The study entitled “Tuning In” found most parents overestimate young kids’ ability for self-control, something they call the “expectation gap.”

Matthew Melmed, executive director of ZERO TO THREE explains the survey’s findings in detail in a press release:

“Having realistic expectations for a child’s ability is critical for supporting healthy development and minimizing stress for both parents and that child.”

“For example, if a parent thinks a child is capable of greater self-control than he actually is, it can lead to frustration for the parent and possibly more punitive – rather than supportive – responses.”

 “Are You Expecting Too Much From Your Toddler?“  an article featured on Parents.com highlighted several key points from the survey, beginning with findings of parental expectations:

  • 56 percent of parents believe kids have the impulse control to resist the desire to do something forbidden before age 3.
  • 36 percent believe that kids under age 2 have this kind of self-control.
  • 43 percent of parents think kids are able to share and take turns with other kids before age 2.
  • 24 percent of parents believe kids have the ability to control their emotions, like resisting tantrums when they’re frustrated, at 1 year or younger.
  • 42 percent believe kids have this ability by 2 years.

It also emphasize some facts when it comes to child development:

  • Self- control actually develops between 3½ and 4 years, and takes even more years to be used consistently.
  • Sharing skills develop between 3 to 4 years.
  • Emotional control also won’t develop until between 3½ and 4 years.

Mehmed thinks it’s important for parents, caregivers and all you judgmental Target shoppers to remember that parenting in the early years is more about teaching than discipline:

“The early years are about teaching, not punishing. When parents have realistic expectations about their child’s capabilities, they can guide behavior in very sensitive and effective ways.”

Does this mean I will be getting the bulk order of Skittles from BJ’s because I now know my child is biologically incapable of self-control when she can’t have what she wants? Absolutely not, but it does make me empathize not only a little more with those raising toddlers, but also my toddler herself. Life is hard enough when you’re an adult who has lived a little life to know that things aren’t always fair and you can’t always get what you want. Imagine when you’ve only been on this Earth for a few years and you’re making sense of all of that for the first time. In addition it’s difficult for you to find the words to express you’re pissed, you’re disappointed and you just don’t understand why you can’t wear your winter coat to bed. So the next time you find yourself about to “shush” your sister’s toddler, your friend’s three-year-old or the pre-schooler of some random person on the train who is going ape s**t, remind yourself: Toddlers can’t control their inner a**hole, you however have had years to perfect controlling your own.

Have you ever been “parent-shamed” for your toddler’s behavior in public? How do you handle your child’s meltdowns?

Images via Bigstock

Toya Sharee is a Health Resource Specialist who has a  passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about  everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.

 

 

 

 

The post Control Issues: If You’re Telling A Toddler to Calm Down, YOU’RE the One With The Problem appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Samira Wiley And Her Longtime Girlfriend Tied The Knot

March 26, 2017, 8:24 am
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Well, congrats are in order for Orange Is The New Black actress Samira Wiley and Lauren Morelli, who also is a writer on the hit Netflix series.

Saturday (March 25), Wiley and Morelli tied the knot in Palm Springs, California, Martha Stewart Weddings reported exclusively. For their special day, the ladies planned a fun day for friends and family that included a confetti theme in honor of their love for Funfetti cake. To spice things up, they even walked up the aisle at their ceremony to Montell Jordan’s “This Is How We Do It,” Martha Stewart Weddings reports.

When it came to the fashions, the couple slayed in custom Christian Siriano outfits. While Wiley went for a more traditional off-the-shoulder white dress featuring a full skirt, Morelli went modern with a chic pantsuit that boasted of an intricately designed lace bodice and long, flowing cape.

Congrats to the newlyweds!

The post Samira Wiley And Her Longtime Girlfriend Tied The Knot appeared first on MadameNoire.

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Becca’s New Bronzers Promises The Beachy Glow Of Your Dreams

March 26, 2017, 5:10 pm
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With winter prevailing, we’ve still got hope that spring is set to bloom anytime now and summer will unleash it’s warmth sooner than later.

Thankfully, Becca Cosmetics has us covered in the beauty department of things. When you look good you ultimately feel good so they’re is gifting us with the new Becca Cosmetics Sunlit Bronzer to get us excited about the warm-weather vibes.

Earlier this week, the makeup brand announced the launch of its latest offering on Instagram. The bronzer comes in five shades to suit all skin tones with each paying homage to the many fabulous beaches around the world that are on our bucket lists. There’s Bali Sands, a smooth caramel shade; Bronzed Bondi, a glowing mocha hue; Maui Nights, a soft flesh-tone pink; Ipanema Nights, a true nude; and Capri Coast, a pigmented mauve.

And the best part of these new products is the fact that there’s just enough shimmer to turn heads. Because let’s be honest, no one wants to look like they dove head first into a pool of glitter, which you can look like many times with other bronzers.

Becca Cosmetics Sunlit Bronzer WILL be available April 2 on ulta.com and beccacosmetics.com. If you’re a loyal Sephora customers, you’ll have to wait until April 25 to get your hands on the bronzers. But thankfully at a price point of $38, you won’t burn too much of a hole in your pockets in exchange for the natural glow of your dreams.

 

The post Becca’s New Bronzers Promises The Beachy Glow Of Your Dreams appeared first on MadameNoire.

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The Morphe Ready, Set, Gold Palette Is Nothing Short Of Amazing

March 26, 2017, 5:39 pm
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Morphe may be known for their amazing makeup brushes, but their latest product has us in absolute awe. Earlier this week, they unveiled the Morphe Ready, Set, Gold palette and it’s already a certified staple.

The palette is dynamic and features 35 different shades, so every gal can find her perfect match. There’s 15 metallic hues, which give you an ample amount of shimmer, and 18 flat mattes that offset the bright metallics with darker, moodier shades.

And as expected, the internet went haywire when the palette was unveiled, acquiring over 52,000 likes in less than 24 hours. “I need this palette asap,” wrote one user. Ditto, girl. Ditto!

 

As of now, the palette is still available (but don’t wait too long cause we’re sure it’ll sell out sooner than later) for just $22.99. Head over tomorphebrushes.com to purchase yourReady, Set, Gold palette.

The post The Morphe Ready, Set, Gold Palette Is Nothing Short Of Amazing appeared first on MadameNoire.

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This Video Of Xscape Singing Proves They’ve Still Got It

March 26, 2017, 6:10 pm
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Earlier this month we were all shocked with the news that R&B quartet Xscape would be reuniting after nearly two decades of tension.

Kandi, Tiny, and sisters Tamika and Latocha Scott made the announcement on local Atlanta radio station V103 with Big Tigger, citing that they’ve “got too much history not to be able to come together.”

“For this to have happened, this is a great moment when it come down to sisterhood and just the things that we built,” Latocha added. “I’m actually happy that my sisters have come back together and we’re about to do some big things. Everybody’s been asking about it and now we’re here.”

And now that the ladies have put their differences aside, they’re ready to release new music and show the world they’ve still got it. On Sunday (March 26), Kandi posted a video of herself, Tamika and Latocha not singing but SANGIN’! After a meeting, the ladies decided to see if the magic was still there and belted out Fred Hammond’s “Give Me A Clean Heart.” We’ve got four words: they’ve still got it.

“I have so many wonderful blessings coming down on me right now & my group #Xscape is one of them,” Kandi captioned the video.

Tiny is noticeably missing in the video, but Kandi made sure to share that she was rushing to the airport and missed this part of the meeting.

Are y’all feeling their cover?

The post This Video Of Xscape Singing Proves They’ve Still Got It appeared first on MadameNoire.

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